A letter to myself

As I thought about words to express myself in the letter, I could not help but think about my faults. My head flooded with negative ideas about myself, failures, and disappointments. I wanted to write a letter to reprimand instead of praising myself.
Not to negate my wrongs, I’m sure I have a lot of things, but that’s not what I want to focus on in this letter. Today I want to be gentle. I want to let myself know that I’ve done well. I yearn for myself to know that it’s okay not to be okay. To remind her that she fought hard. The battle was not easy, but she made it through. As you read this letter, see yourself in it and be reminded that it’s okay to huddle all the flowers and inhale it’s scent even when no one gave them to you.

A letter to myself
Note to self.

Dear Self.

Yes, there you are. You’ve always been by my side from the word go. Your consistency to maintain my sanity remain cherished. From the moment you came into this world, right through your teenage self and now as an adult.

You have been such an incredible host.

First and foremost, I forgive you for allowing yourself to be in places where you got rejected, but you still insisted. I forgive you for being in circles or with people who did not add value to you. You surrounded yourself with parasites, and you were not even aware.
Didn’t you wonder why you were not evolving? There was no development from your side, but you offered yourself so much that you forgot about your being. All you did was be there for others but yourself. I did not blame them, but I blamed you. You should have not allowed that. I forgive you for not showing up for yourself. I have no right to crucify you because you did not know. I forgive you for that.

Comparison became your portion because you never understood your worth. You depended on people more than yourself. You based your happiness on people’s opinions, and they projected their lies to you, and you believed them. You forgot how powerful and resilient you are. You forgot that you are a true warrior and everything about you screams excellence. Nothing about you is mediocre.

Do you remember the time when you felt like nothing good would ever come out of you? When you felt lonely, tired, and demoralized? Look at you now!! You are much better than your feelings. You made it even when you felt like you would not make it.

However, I sometimes felt like I was not there for you enough
I should have protected you, stood for you more.
I should have defended you when everything was against you.
I should have loved you even when you were unworthy of love.
I should have assured you that everything would be all right.

Even at that, you still managed to pull through the veil of darkness, when every door got slammed at you. Your tenacious spirit spoke on your behalf.
You are the most stubborn human being I’ve met. Stubborn in the sense that you never allowed your circumstances to deter you from achieving your goals. As hard as it was, you pulled through. From surviving all the traumas, depression caused by unemployment, loneliness, misery, and grief, to becoming the soulful
being you are today. If you made it this far, nothing else can stand in your way.
Go get your flowers woman. You deserve them.

Yours sincerely,
Lebogang.

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