Cultivating The Attitude of Forgiveness.

Celebrating Father’s Day in my life has not in the least been ideal. During this time am usually at church, and as expected we celebrate Fathers in the church. Surprisingly I’d gaze at how am always ravished in seeing all the loving and affectionate fathers being celebrated.

We’ll customarily bombard them with presents and embrace them with heated hugs. One of those “sweet” moments you can fathom as they beam with smiles on their faces.

I’ve actually gotten used to celebrating every man I know except my own.

From a tender age, I’ve adopted the technique of always looking out for myself. Simply on the grounds that there wasn’t anyone to do so, particularly a male figure. This is because we live in interesting times, where we constantly need to watch our backs, especially women, as we hear of all the continuous heartbreaking reports on the news with regard to gender based violences. I had to cultivate a steeled skin, to escape from any danger that I’m likely to encounter. I mean like, i was young and I guess i was doing the best I could do for myself. When you flip on the other side of the coin, you realize that wasn’t actually enough. The young girl needed a sense of security and belonging. Unfortunately a male figure was absent…Period.

With the minimal period of time I spent with my father, he’ve just always been distant. I practically never had a relationship with him. He was physically present but emotionally absent.

Under the influence of alcohol he’ll exhibit unkind behavior towards my mom. Which led to divorce when I was 12years of age and that was it. That’s almost like I never had a “Father and daughter” relationship. It used to sadden me when I saw other kids spoke pleasantly of their dads and I had none to attest to. Not even a zilch of memory I could atleast refer to. That’s the reason why i deepened my relationship with my mom just so that i can have a lot to say on Mother’s Day. Very strategic.

Somehow I was resentful and bitter, not only towards him but to every male. I had a sweep assumption and perceived them to be abusive and non caring.

It took me time to be vulnerable, let alone to start dating. If it happens that I decide to get in a relationship with someone, I’ll tell myself that it’s just a matter of time that you’ll behave similar to my dad. But that was never the case. I just fabricated a barrier through my heart for protection. I had to be liberated from resentment and anger because of the toxicity it brought in my space.

Honestly it was very difficult to forgive and move on. It took the Holy Spirit to instill knowledge about forgiving. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. There was no way possible. I went through the scriptures to understand what forgiveness entailed. Matthew 6:12-15 stated it very clear when it said if we forgive people their trespasses, our Heavenly Father in heaven will forgive us our trespasses. I realized how much of a biggest sinner I am and yet the Lord gave me mercy and forgave my sins on the cross of calvary. I had to extend my heart and forgive my dad. Failure to let go of resentment and anger meant my transgressions shall not be forgiven too. Matthew 6:15.

Regardless of all that we have endured from my dad as a family, he’s the first person who inculcated forgiveness in my heart. I now forgive easily because of him. Through him I learnt to succumb into forgiving no matter how burdensome it is. That’s why I find it smooth sailing to not hold grudges on the grounds that am aware of the damage it can cause to one’s heart.

For instance if am offended, i quickly let it pass before anger builds up. I vividly remember when I went as far as humbling myself to ask for an apology from someone who’ve hurt me. To tell you what, that’s when I realized how the Lord deepened the spirit of forgiveness in my heart.

As I grew my heart became more softer and the Holy Spirit guided me, as He promised in Luke 1:79 that He gives light to those in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace. I begun to see the beauty of a male figure in every girl’s life. To be honest fathers are important. Its heartbreaking for children like me who grew up without one. At some point unfortunately we tend to be resentful and bitter. We want to do things our way. In many ways than other it’s simply because there was no one in power to call us to order.

Our moms taught us to be muscular and self-reliant. And that’s how our lives are shaped. Those are absolutely good traits to possess but it’ll take more than just an ordinary potency to cause us to be submissive because all we know is independency and self-reliance.

If you have been heartily wounded, shattered and broken from the man who was supposed to protect you. I want you to know that you’ll recover, your brokenness shall be repaired and you’ll smile again. Be encouraged not to develop a wounded spirit. This too shall pass. Be reminded that Nothing in life lasts forever. The best way to heal is forgive everyone whom have caused you pain and find comfort in your heart to let go and move on. Forgiveness will free you from being resentful and bitter.

There’s a book I recommend that you read, Abscence of the Father written by Pastor Nke Serobe. Founder of Abscence of the Father, author, preacher, speaker and entrepreneurs. Follow her on social media for enquiries of the book .. In the book she emptied herself up and shared about all her experiences. She gives guides on how you can overcome the pain and resentment from growing without a father. Do check it out and be blessed.

Every girl’s first love is her Father. If you have not experienced this love. I want you to know that there’s a Father who’s love is unconditional and that is of Jesus Christ. His love for you is immeasurable and unbreakable. 1 John 14:9 says we love Him because He first loved us. Be made perfect in this love because perfect love casts out fear. Draw yourself closer to this undying love and experience PEACE which surpasses all understanding.

Be blessed and find PEACE in your heart.

From my heart to yours


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