Imposter Syndrome

Do you know when they say God’s timing is the best, they meant it. I had my first ever radio show two weeks back. An opportunity that came to me at a point in my life where I least expected it. It is surreal to realize that God is always at work in every season of our lives. Radio is my first love, but I never imagined that I would have my show so soon in my life. It was something that I knew I would do but at a later stage. I did not expect its soon.

It was a fateful morning when I saw the WhatsApp status of my friend and commented on it because she looked stunning. She looked like an angel as she rocked her wedding dress alongside her handsome husband dancing over a wedding song. ( They were getting married ). I could not comprise my joy. I took my phone and gave her the call to congratulate her. We spoke for more than an hour as she explained why she had ‘forgotten’ to invite me to her wedding. Hahaha. She tried to justify it with distance and covid19 regulations. As much as I was, ‘mad at her’, I understood where she was coming from. The lockdown came with serious restrictions. And a lot of adjustments were tight, especially for gatherings. We were no longer able to have a large number of people in gatherings. I pardoned her for that. Hahaha.

As we were about to end the call after a lot of laughter, and well wishes, she told me about the radio show she wanted me to host. I could not believe my ears. A whole radio show? I marveled. Are you serious? I am serious, she answered boldly.

Imposter syndrome

I could not surmise it!
I have done a bit of radio here and there in the past, but I never hosted the entire show on my own – let alone for three hours. It was a challenging offer, but I joyfully accepted it. I indicated that I would give her a call the next morning. To tell you what, I returned the call after two weeks. In between the two weeks, she tried reaching out to me, but I would tell her that I was busy. At some point, I was indeed busy but sometimes ignored her calls on purpose even when I was not. I was hesitant. Fear crippled me and got me convinced that I was not good enough.
That is what happens when you do not quite believe in yourself. You immediately start disqualifying yourself from certain tasks. Imposter syndrome had me wrapped on its finger. My nature of looking down on myself kicked in, and I discredited myself. You see, sometimes we should just be grateful for the people in our lives who genuinely believe in our potentials because she kept insisting that I was good enough until I believed It.

(Quotes about Courage.)

Someone close to me noticed the bad habit of my self – discretion. Took me through the process of understanding that I always sabotaged myself. It was difficult to admit, although I knew it was true – but my eyes got enlightened. One of the things mentioned was my tendency of not grabbing opportunities by the horn when presented to me. At times I would, but only to drop them at the last minute. Even with the opportunity of being the host of a talk show, I accepted, but I almost dropped it at the last minute. I was eager to call the station and tell them that I have declined the offer. Thank God I held on, though I felt like I was about to drop the offer before I even started.

On the day of the appointment, I got so sick and did not know what the problem was. It was no longer the fact that I felt inadequate, but I wanted to cancel because my health got worse. My battles had doubled now. It was not the best morning as I thought it would be. In the evening, I fought the imposter syndrome, now this! I got emotionally drained. Thankfully, I took medication on my way to the station. You see when they say nothing can stop God’s timing. This is what they meant!!

When I got to the station, instead of them hearing my voice, and how much knowledge I have of radio – I got asked questions like what kind of topics are you passionate about? Who is your target? What is your message? How many times per week would you manage? Surmise it or not! The deal was no longer negotiable. I was part of the team.

Showing up for myself.

No formal training whatsoever. I only remember being notified about starting on Monday. I took it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I went back and did some research, and gathered as much knowledge as possible. Although I was panicky and freaking out, I still showed up. I went inside where the operations were, and I sat there until it was my turn to start with my show. I was overwhelmed by fear. I remember playing a couple of songs before I could say anything. My introduction was a few seconds, and then I played the song again. My nerves had gotten to a point where I wanted to pack my luggage and leave. One of the ladies who got in before me tried to calm me down and told me to start believing in myself. We had a brief chat until she managed to calm my nerves down, and I went back on the air. The first hour of the show was a bit cracky and disastrous. I was not quite sure if what I was saying made sense. In the second hour when I introduced the main topic, I became relieved, relaxed, and loosened up. That is when I got in the groove as the topic was so exciting and very close to my heart. I wished the show was only starting, but we were already in the second hour of the show. What I am most grateful for, is that I showed up even when I felt afraid. I showed up for myself, dreams, and untapped potentials. The fact that I almost gave up does not sit well with me, but I am glad I did not because God’s grace was upon me.

You many also like (The power of mental preparation.)

Do it afraid.

Show up for yourself. Show up for your dreams. If you have to do it afraid, then let it be. Imposter syndrome is real, but we should not allow ourselves to succumb to it and feel unworthy of certain opportunities. Show up for yourself.

Do tune in on my radio show every Monday on Katlego FM, The rebirth of the Silent Voice. The name of my show is Deep Talk. It is a platform where we will be discussing issues relating to life that are unspoken about. We will be having guests from different sectors who are informative on the topics. Do tune in with me as we conversate.

What are some of your missed opportunities? Have you ever felt inadequate for a task? How did overcome?

Do not forget to show my recent posts some love below:

From my heart to yours


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