Middle aged crisis.

How many kilometers to Happiland? Long have I trodden on the path to success. Ups and downs, storms, sunny days, storms, storms and more storms. Can’t I just hitch hike my way to happiness? It’s long overdue…. the life of a middle aged woman *sigh* oh… the life of a middle aged woman. I don’t think we’re ever going to arrive at that destination, let all alone stay there for a while.

Middle age crisis

Take marriage for instance, dream wedding, perfect gown, all bliss. Happily ever after vibes. 3 years down the line boom! ‘Mr you’re My one and only’ has gone all chameleon in true colours. ‘Aargh’… At which point do you begin to identify hapiness anyway? ;is it when there’s no more disappointments on the part of the partner or when the childhood dream checklist is fully ticked off despite the disappointment?
*sigh* oh middle aged woman.

..at eye straight in the eyes like those Beijing bicycles like ‘well ride me we’ve got 30 to 40 more years to go.

Pushing hard to make it work such early stage. You cannot even think 30-40 years still to go. Life goals seems to have been thrown out the window by the strongest wind of autumn. The memories of honeymoon stage sounds like a distanced memory. The vows you made at the altar looks like a mirage of words. Your matrimonial bed seems to sink like an empty boat in the sea.

Perhaps we are to visit the career goals that we previously set. Oh that is going well except…we’ve been merely stuck at point internship after internship. That’s just for the lucky few that even managed to nab those jobs, any jobs mind you, not those that which you didn’t know of nor that which you sent to varsity for. In the hope that better career prospects would be achieved. Looking around we are those that never even bothered submitting assignments twinning event way happily and frantically to the top. And you may be there as Virgin Mary stuck in a maze of career.

I’m still waiting the friday off hiding diary of a billionaire first of this diary of that pages are filling up days after money and time are emptying. Ohhh

Life happened. Hardships of life kept knocking on the forehead. Promotions. Internships after internships not permanent, unless you willing to twerk your way to the top.
Wild solutions ideas – crossed your mind.
Weed to cope,temptation for your man to find you high so you can lay it as it.

Oh and what of those annoying TV
commercials of air brushed models so perfect and so fake..*eye roll* and you look at your make up kit and it seems as though you’re yet to use them.

There was a time where you did once look like that isn’t there? Where you had a figure like that of a model. But now everything junk you want, no diet plans whatsoever. Everything else looks vague. The odometer gauges by the number of wrinkles betrays as you start concealing your age more and more often.

Time for a night out with the ladies. Party-lit-life, its about to go down till you get that text from mommy. All you think about is booze, booze booze,”Keep em coming”, you shout on the counter.

Night after.
You wake up to a flurry of text notifications as you’re about to respond with a smurk thinking it’s one of your girlfriends…’girl it was lit’ the text goes straight to your bank number.
What’s with these smartphones.

‘Capitec: Debut order -R2500 from SAVINGS ACCOUNT Ref GreyInns Pub, avail R4500’

‘ Capitec: Debut order -R1500 from SAVINGS ACCOUNT Ref GreyInns Pub, avail R3000’

Time to buy diapers for the Baby and then join the Hobbo club or head for the shelter

Sindi: Hey sis, I’m in a crisis..I dont have food at all at Res wont you send me atleast R400
Avail bal R2584.12

Sister Please dont forget R1500 for my accommodation and food
Avail bal R1054.13

No more
Mom: Ntombi dont forget that R450 for Society neh, Ntombi and Julia have been on my neck since last week Avail bal R604.13

Your head still spinning from hangover you realize that you used up all your savings and little money left in your account.
At this point and time you are under a lot of frustration. You beat yourself up from making wrong decisions and it took a toll on you.

Or perhaps you aren’t anxious about debut orders but you wish if only you can have a bit of a salary due to unemployment. You’ve knocked every door possible but still no luck. There’s nothing depressing as of not having any income yet your peers are working and nothing seems to be working out in your life.

You see sometimes we live unsatisfactory lives because we compare ourselves to other people. They seem to be doing good in their lives yet we have no idea what they are going through. How about you begin to take a driver’s seat of your life and change the outcomes? I think it’s time to embrace that pot belly and that bank balance. If you not happy with them, then go to the gym or try to earn multiple incomes to increase your bank balance. The ball is in your cords. Rinse your own race and do not compare yourself with other people.
It’s absolutely okay to not have everything else figured out. You can pull through life and what I know for sure is there’s light at the end of every tunnel.

The race is not to the swiftest nor the battle to the strong. Be strong and know that the first shall be last. It shall be well with your soul.

Tax collectors and prostitutes shall enter the kingdom of God first – you are likely not any one of them. Are you beyond forgiveness? Not at all…..

Do check out some of my inspirational posts which I’ve written lately :

From my heart to yours


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